We often encounter problems in life. Ordinary everyday situations that slightly, ever so slightly, make unexpected adjustments to our plans. They often have a neutral or slightly negative connotation. There wasn’t a loaf of white bread in the store, so we bought a round of rye bread. We walked a couple of hundred meters to the bus depot, but more zealous passengers took all the seats. No problem, we’ll wait for the next flight. Unexpected guests materialized on the threshold – we’ll sit quietly with the lights off in a hermit’s apartment, maybe they’ll leave. Let’s starve it out, so to speak.
Each of us has encountered all these and similar bummers more than once in real life. In fact, it’s not worth talking about them. Ordinary everyday cases. But what about digital reality?? To breathtaking adventures in a different, gaming reality, in which hundreds, if not thousands of happy hours are spent on life? Hello everyone, Cheezzy purple beard is on the line, and let’s see what kind of bummers the developers have in store for gullible players, lovers of other people’s princesses and simply notorious perverts.
Following the rule of good manners, let’s make a reservation: spoilers are planned, surprise surprise, in abundance. So much so that if there were a spoiler inquisition, then I, even though I am far from being a sweet pie, would be heated with a cleansing fire. Fair, but very unpleasant.
It is also worth separating failures from those that happened due to force majeure or a bolt hammered by the developers, a placed nail and other phallic rods laid anyhow, disappointments. A slippery story, broken mechanics, the terrible Mr. Grafonia, failure to allocate money to continue the game, and so on. However, we will also leave out the hackneyed plot twists set out in textbooks on formulaic writing, in the form of suddenly dying party members, good-natured slash villains changing their shoes on the fly, and dying hostages. After all, our fast train is rushing to the station “let’s screw it up, my friend,” and not to the platform “nine disappointments and three quarters of grief.”.
The adventures of a worker specializing in the repair of sanitary equipment, completely unnecessary in the kingdom of mushrooms, and alien to the Middle Ages, can already be called a classic academic bummer. A mustachioed dandy, changing his overalls like gloves, rolls like a steam roller over the inhabitants of the worlds and flies like a whirlwind into fortified castles. Stone palaces, under the pressure of an irrepressible plumber, crunch their walls, and the owners, consider the lords of the degrown domains, remain ashes on the lava waves. However, all this is in vain, because: “Thank you, Mario. But your princess is in another castle". Well. The main character has no choice but to sigh heavily, say goodbye to the rescued slave, and go to the next towering castle. In the hope that a captive person of royal blood is definitely languishing in the next stone fortification.
A bummer that undeservedly befalls the protagonist every time Super Mario Bros. on the old NES (or bearing the name Dendy thanks to the dashing pirates) is currently not fully perceived as such. Nevertheless, the early adventures of the mustachioed plumber have long gone among the people, and the series of games itself feels great in modern realities. Excessive popularity has done a disservice to the bummer prepared by the developers, depriving it of the surprise that once accompanied it, but not canceling the very fact of its existence.
Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros.
Developing the theme of rescuing brazenly kidnapped princesses, one cannot ignore the juicy colorful beat ’em up Castle Crashers. In this crazy cartoon adventure, the gamer will have to take control of one of the knights, dressed according to the precepts of the Ninja Turtles in his personal color, and rush in pursuit of the dark wizard. A magician who unceremoniously burst into a palace feast and ruined the holiday. A sorcerer who shamelessly kidnapped four princesses along with a crystal, and turned a mischievous party into sausage gatherings. In short, an egoist with a capital “M”.
Chasing the fleeing warlock, the colorful knights, without fear or reproach, will crush the villain’s henchmen into cabbages by the dozens. A trusty sharp blade, a bow as reliable as a Soviet refrigerator “Biryusa”, and an education in a primary school of magic will come in handy. Not only ordinary minions will fall on their faces under the onslaught of valiant warriors, but also those especially close to the mantle of the magician. Victory over which, by the way, will be rewarded with hard cash and a voluptuous kiss from the rescued princess. True, there is one “but”.
The native daughter of the ruling king will not, with her velvet lips, smack the entire gang of hungry people who rescued them from captivity (unless, of course, you decide to play with your friends). No, gentlemen knights. If you please, first give each other a good beating, determining in the language of steel the strongest. The one who is lucky enough to touch the beautiful. That’s the only way. However, the hidden obol is not entirely contained in this.
Throughout the game, the face of one of the kidnapped girls of blue blood will be carefully hidden. Hidden from the human evil eye until the final credits. Until the moment when the knights, tired after a long journey and fierce battles, return to their beloved beloved palace.
The king, delighted to have his daughters rescued, will immediately throw an unprecedented large-scale feast, at which loyal warriors will again have to fight for access to the lips of the last princess. And so, the winner, having beaten his former comrades to death, those who more than once covered their backs, with a trembling hand, lifts the veil from the girl’s face. Without even suspecting that it triggers an inexplicable thermonuclear surreal.
The royal person instantly transforms into a clown, everything around is filled with light and music, and herds of penguins walk from side to side with an important look. But the most bummer is that the burnt circus performer, rescued from the clutches of a black magician, does not deign to give the expected well-deserved kiss to the knight, who is in permanent surprise. Saved for no reason at all.
Castle Crashers
Castle Crashers
Castle Crashers
Castle Crashers
Princess stealing, which later developed into girl stealing, is probably one of the most popular activities among villains in gaming worlds. Especially in the memories-filled times of the Dendy console. In this connection, it is not surprising that the leitmotif of the next bummer is the rescue of a charming lady from demonic clutches.
The fearless knight Arthur, Thames-slots.co.uk who loves to wear steel armor exclusively on his naked body, decided to somehow arrange a little romance for his beloved. And so that, apparently, their meeting would be remembered, sparked by catharsis, he showed ingenuity by choosing a cemetery for a picnic. As a result, instead of the desired intimacy, the main character got hemorrhoids the size of a horse’s head. Because the princess has been kidnapped, but she must be rescued urgently before the ruling king finds out about the prank of her future son-in-law.
At the same time, the medieval bastard did not deprive the gamer of problems either. After all, the series Ghosts ‘n Goblins (also called after Japanese roots Makaimura) entertainment is not easy. The path to the final boss will be literally paved with the corpses of the main character and the player’s tears. Conquering each level will affect not only the world map, but also the gamer’s nervous system. But sooner or later, Arthur will finally reach the lover of other people’s girls, and teach him a lesson for his masochistic adventure. True, as a reward he will receive not the desired beloved, but a hefty, bummer slap in the face from the developers. Like, this is an illusion, a trap of Satan, so, as Misha was advised behind the scenes, everything is bullshit, let’s do it again. And that’s the only way. After all, pass Ghosts ‘n Goblins once is not enough, you need to overcome it twice.
Ghosts ‘n Goblins
Ghosts ‘n Goblins
Ghosts ‘n Goblins
Ghosts ‘n Goblins
The bummer with the illusory room, forcing you to go through everything all over again for the sake of the real ending, was not exceptional. Besides the series itself Ghosts ‘n Goblins, which already has a decent number of parts, other developers have also used a similar trick to lengthen the game.
For example, an adventure about climbing magicians under the short name released not so long ago (in 2019) on the NES console and our favorite home computers Micro Mages. The game was originally created with retro in mind, so it couldn’t do without kidnapped princesses either
Climbing up in parkour style to the peak of the villainous fortress, young wizards shoot its inhabitants along the way. Skeletons, goblins, demons, ghosts, snakes, bats and, of course, goats. After all, in the case of kidnapping princesses (!) without these artiodactyl animals, well, it definitely couldn’t have happened.
Micro Mages
Micro Mages
Micro Mages
Micro Mages
However, somehow we ran ahead. The essence of bummers lies in their surprise and unpredictability for a gamer getting acquainted with a new game for the first time. They can sneakily hide, both in the finale and at the very, very beginning.
Like many modern games South Park: The Stick of Truth cordially invites the gamer who drops by to create his own, individual character. Unlike anyone else. A protagonist ready to plunge headlong into the world imagined by the children of South Park, ala The Lord of the Rings. Fortunately, the proposed hero sculpting editor is quite extensive. Can be assembled to suit absolutely every taste.
Having finished with the character’s appearance and finding himself at the behest of his father on the street of a snowy city, the gamer meets his first friend. Butters the Paladin, once a famous writer, and in the future – the world’s evil genius. It is this blond boy who will take the main character to the holy of holies of the medieval world and open the door to the abyss of endless battles for the Stick of Truth.
The Grand Master in the person of Cartman will welcome the protagonist invited by Butters with open arms. He will give him a brief tour of the fortress of the forces of good, built in his backyard, sketch out a couple of theses about the lore of an imaginary universe, and ask about the name of the hero.
This is where the gamer gets thoughtful. After all, the stylish cool character you created with love needs a name to match. Standout, original. For as the classics wrote: “He goes to bed with this name and gets up with this name.”. In short, the brainstorming begins. As a result, the player, satisfied with his ingenuity, indicates in the window that opens a name that is pleasing to the ear, suitable for the character’s appearance, and simply a bombastically cool name. However, Cartman, in his own way, breaks off the gamer’s impulse, rewarding the protagonist with a consonant “Schmuck”, no matter how he resists.
SouthPark: TheStickofTruth
SouthPark: TheStickofTruth
SouthPark: TheStickofTruth
SouthPark: TheStickofTruth
SouthPark: TheStickofTruth
Considering the examples given, it may seem that the breakdowns are some kind of isolated moment. An exceptional situation, used extremely rarely. But that’s not entirely true. For some developers, acting contrary to the expectations of the gamer is a nice thing, because a bummer, with the right desire, can be a frequent guest in the game.
A modern gamer, who began to understand tabletop role-playing games, in the midst of a game, following the urges of the wheat, decided to jump off for a while in search of a latrine. However, instead of a room with a snow-white silent man made of ceramics, he finds himself in the stuffy, musty rooms of an ancient castle. And a little later, his body is possessed by the second passenger of an insolent spirit guarding a stone fortress. This is how an unusual metroid adventure begins, and its name is UnEpic.
From the first dialogues of the intruder, both the character and the gamer themselves understand: trust this ghost, oh, how not worth it. Because as a result of the magic that worked crookedly, he became a prisoner of our pliable flesh. A slave whose shackles are the living, breathing body of the protagonist.
But as soon as the main character dies from the clutches of local inhabitants, falls from cunning traps, the ghost will immediately be free. We are well aware of this, so often the spirit’s advice to grab a couple of coins from the treasury to buy supposed ammunition is ignored. Neglected. Until the developer himself gets involved.
A training window pops up at the bottom, which directly recommends going to the pile and pocketing a few gold using the action button. Of course, a gullible gamer, as in many games already completed, will unquestioningly follow the instructions. He will thoughtlessly steal coins on someone else’s advice, which in a couple of moments will begin, apparently, to frantically burn through the hero’s pockets. And so much so that ending up in the world of the dead is a matter of a couple of last breaths.
Flirting with deceiving the gamer’s expectations is generously scattered throughout the story timeline UnEpic. However, such bummer situations are present in many games. They, like the spices in a dish, give the virtual adventure an exquisite, unusual taste. It’s true that not everyone likes spices. For some particularly sophisticated individuals, serve something hot.
It would seem that the world is filled with living, walking carrion, hungry for hot young flesh. Every second of delay threatens to be the last. Yes, only gamers of a separate caste, don’t feed them bread, but let me at least peek under the skirt of the charming Juliet Starling from Lollipop Chainsaw. Moreover, her boyfriend’s head hanging on her hip does not at all confuse the players who wanted to stare. Male solidarity? No, we haven’t heard.
However, it will not be so easy to implement the plan. When the gamer tries to move the camera, choosing a better view of the loin mountains, the young protagonist will cover herself, and the impudent person will be branded with a shameful shameful achievement. The developers of the rhythm game approached the lovers of gazing at women’s underwear in a more radical and blatant manner Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA F. Without further ado, they completely forbade turning the figurine of a digital music performer in a kind of photo studio into a position that allows you to peek. Because, no… what.
Lollipop Chainsaw
Lollipop Chainsaw
Lollipop Chainsaw
Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA F
Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA F
The hunt for the mythical dagger, which turns any person into a powerful golden dragon as a result of a ritual, has captivated many PlayStation console owners. Although, let’s be honest, the triangular shapes of the charming, irresistible pretty Lara Croft in her next adventure also sunk into my heart Tomb Raider II: The Dagger of Xian.
The last mission, equivalent to the epilogue, takes place in the main character’s estate. The girl, dressed in a tight short dark blue peignoir, is suddenly attacked by the remnants of the occultists, thirsty for revenge.
Of course, Lara Croft, under the control of the player, easily deals with sudden guests, after which she heads towards the shower room with a flying gait. Oh, gamers of those years were probably having strokes en masse at that moment. After all, there was such a big chance to gawk at the hidden forbidden fruits of the adventurer. Only in the end it was Lara Croft herself who broke everything off.
Untying her robe, the girl, saying that the gamer has seen enough, shoots at the screen with a shotgun. Curtain. Disappointment and no permitted erotica hidden from parents in the game. Bummer.
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